Memoirs of a Mommy

The Beginning of the End

2010-08-31T09:12:00.000-06:00

My heart is gone. It's left me and gone to school.

Yesterday marked the beginning of the end. My oldest, Ms. Princess Lilly, started Kindergarten. For the next 13 years she will leave me and go to school and before I know it she is going to be graduating and going off the college. And then she is going to get married and have babies.... but maybe I'll get lucky. She does tell me every day that she is NOT getting married ever because what if the boy wants her to live with him? She can't do that cause she wants to live me with forever. (Thank you my sweet girl.)

Lilly has been a bit nervous about starting Kindergarten. She didn't want to go to a new school with new friends and a new teacher. She wished she could go back to preschool to see Ms. Nicole and all her old friends. But when the day came, she was bursting with excitement. First thing in the morning, she came into my room, all smiles, "Mom, I know what today is... it's the first day of school!" She picked out her new outfit to wear and asked me to curl her hair. "Is it time yet? How much longer?"

Sweet Noah wasn't as excited. Maybe he didn't quite understand, it's hard to say. Either way, he knew something was up and it worried him. He woke up way too early so I sat with him all morning so he would go back to sleep and get some rest. All morning he acted concerned and nervous but when it came down to it, he was so brave.

I hate that his hair is so short and makes him look sick. I refuse to pay to get his hair cut anymore since it's such an awful experience for him and never turns out anyways. And since he was in desperate need, I decided to break out the clippers. I was already "invested" when I realized the clippers were in fact broken and I had to switch to Shane's which don't have any attachment. Hence, Noah's cancer boy hair cut. Good thing it grows back super fast.

Anyways, Monday morning, we got up and made bacon, eggs and pancakes. Took baths and showers, got ready for the day and headed off to school. It was so nice Shane had the day off and could be there with us for this memorable day.

We dropped off Noah first. He was so scared but was the bravest little man. A class aid came out and walked him in. He said good bye and took her hand. But then he had to stop and ask about Mom again.

Watching him walk off was SO heart wrenching for me. When we went to pick him up he seemed out of it and the first thing he said when he saw me was "Da?" I assured him that Dad was in the car and we left. As soon as he saw that Mom and Dad were there he perked up a little. But it took him a few hours to ease up and not be so anxious. His progress report says he got sleepy during snack time (which he wouldn't eat) so they laid him on a bean bag and he took a nap. Just shows how nervous he was. This kid never sleeps, let alone nap, and he ended up sleeping through the first day of school.

Next up it was Lilly's turn. We headed off to Kindergarten (she goes to a different elementary school than Noah but it's real close). There is about a half hour between Noah's drop off and Lilly's so when we got there we went and played on the playground. It was during an older classes recess so she headed off alone while Shane and I stood off to the side watching. She was nervous and slow to join in. Watching her be so self conscious and cautious felt like a knife to my heart. I never want her to feel that way. It made me want to scoop her up and take her back home. Shane echoed my feelings by saying that Homeschool had never looked so good. (I love that man!)

Luckily, when the other kids began to arrive, Lilly saw an old friend from her Preschool. Turns out Camryn is in her new class so she at least knew one person. She was SO excited. There is another Lilly in her class too (and according to Lilly she has the same hair as Camryn). These three girls grouped right up and boy, it did this Momma's heart good to see her with some friends.

Then it was time. Lilly lined up (again, acting nervous and unsure and I'm very proud of myself for not "rescuing" her from the big bad evil kindergarten), waved good bye, and walked through the doors into the rest of her life.

I know it's a bit melodramatic. I know there are parents out there who think over protective parents are doing their children a disservice. But I am not one of those people. I would keep my babies by my side and in my arms forever if it meant keeping them safe. If I could protect their little hearts from sadness or pain. I have a very hard time entrusting their care and safety to anyone else. When I became a mother, I found myself. My life had meaning and purpose and reason. I gladly sacrifice all that I am and have for these precious gifts. I really hope that the coming years are good to my babies. That they find joy and excitement in this new adventure. That they continue to develop talents and a sense of worth through their accomplishments. And I pray every day that Heavenly Father watches over them and keeps them safe for me.

After drop off, Shane and I found ourselves with 2 hours of alone time. So we ran some errands and enjoyed a non-interrupted conversation. It was actually quite nice. Since that's Shane's day off each week, I think I'm going to really like Mondays now.

We picked up Noah and headed back to get Lilly. Turns out she had a hard time with the scarf-belt and needed help getting it undone to go potty (thank goodness the Principal recognized her need and helped out). I have no idea how long she held it but I suspect it was a while because she asked me why Kindergarten was SO long. It made me feel so bad and guilty. I should have known better... what a rookie mistake. So I think she is going to have to save her belt for home-use for now.

That night we had pizza to celebrate their first day. We began our new at-home reading project and we played and enjoyed family time. It may be the beginning of the end but I plan on enjoying the journey every step of the way.

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

Noah's Three Year Heart Day

2010-07-05T21:17:00.000-06:00

On Wednesday July 7th, it will be three years since Noah's heart transplant. I've republished the post I wrote right after he received his new heart over at Noah's Adventure.

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Picture Perfect - Summer 2010

2010-06-12T20:23:00.000-06:00

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A Noodle Between the Eyes

2010-01-08T12:00:00.002-07:00

Yesterday, Noah was being your typical ~~naughty~~ two year old. Instead of eating his lunch, he threw it. Jasper (our puppy) kept trying to catch the noodles and eat them.

He didn't walk away from the exchange unscathed.

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Gone To The Pigs

2009-10-28T18:30:00.004-06:00

I tried to get the kids the H1N1 vaccine. The lines were insane and the quantity, limited. So we never did get one. But we did get the seasonal flu vaccine.

I know there are many people out there who don't or won't get a flu shot. For us, the small risk associated with any vaccine isn't enough to prevent us from getting it. And it's not just because we don't want to get sick.

Yes, it's true, that with Noah's suppressed immune system he is more susceptible to getting germs but he is also more likely to get sicker. When he gets sick, it revs up his immune system. The whole reason he is on immune suppression is because with a fully active or revved up immune system, it starts to attack his heart. Causing rejection and heart failure.

So, you see, it's not just a desire to avoid getting sick. It really is a life or death choice for us.

Monday afternoon, Lilly started seeming a bit sick. She had a small cough and complained of not feeling well. By the next morning, she could barely breath and I was afraid she was going to cough up a lung. She had a fever of 102 and was so tired. Classic symptoms of the flu.

We headed to the Urgent Care (our ped was out and the on-call Dr is the one who told me Noah was fine when 3 days later I found out he had pneumonia... so not worth the drive up there). They ran all the standard tests, including Strep and a flu test.

Everything came back negative, except the flu test. She did indeed test positive for Influenza A. And, since the seasonal flu has not made an appearance here in the great beehive state, I was told it was a 95% chance it was of the H1N1 variety.

In all honesty, this really worried me. I've heard how awful this virus can be on a persons lungs. I could see what a hard time breathing that Lilly was having (her O2 sats were in the high 80s). I couldn't help but think of Noah and his lowered immune system and his damaged lungs.

Thankfully, Noah's transplant coordinator is FABULOUS and she had already called in an Rx of Tamiflu for the entire family. If we can keep from getting sick, it will help keep Noah from getting sick.

Lilly is still not well but her breathing isn't as labored and while I have heard some coughing during the night from Noah, he has yet to get sick. I really think the Tamiflu is making a big difference.

By yesterday evening I was even feeling lousy, but I put the Netti pot to some good use and started my own Rx of Tamiflu and today I am feeling much better. I think the trick of it is to get it started as soon as possible and not wait until you already have a fever and cough. Although, that isn't always possible.

We are still not out of the woods. Lilly is still sick and her cough is pretty horrid. Noah could still get sick and that could be a whole world of hurt for him. But I feel more confident that all will be okay.

Many of you have reached out to me on Face Book and Twitter to offer your support and prayers. It means so much to me. As I have said many times, I know first hand (many times over) the power of prayer. So thank you for caring about the well being of my family.

Here is to hoping you all stay healthy and avoid this horrible virus.

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

Sleepy, Shots and Stars

2009-10-09T21:03:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, staying awake was about all I accomplished. But if I'm being honest, I didn't accomplish it well.

Today, as much as I needed to sleep, I had more pressing things to attend to.

After Lilly got out of school, we drove straight to the pediatrician's office so Lilly and Noah could get their flu shot.

Noah went first. The nurse who gave the shots, Diane, is the same nurse who would give Noah his monthly Synagis shots the past two years. Those are painful shots and Noah knows exactly who Diane is and what she does.

He was a little nervous when he saw her but didn't cry. That was surprising because the last few times he even saw her he would lose it.

He got his quickly shot which scared him more than it hurt him. He only cried for a moment and was thrilled to leave with his Nemo sticker. He quickly informed that he was "ready GO!" as soon as he could.

Lilly wasn't to thrilled once she saw Noah get his but she amazes me with her bravery and maturity. She chose to get her "sticky" in her leg. She tensed up and got nervous but held still. It was over in a second and she relaxed and said "that didn't hurt my leg even a little!" She really is such a big girl.

We came home and ransacked the garage for all our Halloween decorations. Lilly was so excited. We put up the pumpkins and witches and even some sticky letters on our mirror. But the real find, was a Harry Potter wizard robe and wand. Lilly wore it all day. (That dumb wand about drove me insane) She even informed me that she was NEVER taking it off. She was even going to sleep in it. It made me laugh.

But the treasure I found was a few strands of star Christmas lights. Some how they were put in the Halloween bin and not the Christmas bins but it turned out perfect.

See, Lilly has been having some issues with the dark lately. For the past few weeks we have been sleeping with the bathroom light on, door wide open and not one but 3 night lights in her room.

She never had a problem with it until just now. But I suspect it has to do with all the scary Scooby Doo mysteries and Halloween shows she loves to watch. She loves scary things (very unlike her mother). But I think it's made her a little worried about the dark.

So when I saw the star lights, I had an idea.

I hung up the lights around her window. It makes her room quite bright as they are clear white stars. But its not any brighter than the bathroom light. It's just cheaper on the power bill and doesn't shine in all the other rooms

Lilly was very please. So was mom!

And now, I'm going to kick up my feet, sip a slurpee and watch a movie with my hubby to start off his birthday weekend celebration.

Hopefully I don't fall asleep.

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

Blah Blah Blah Puke Puke Blah

2009-09-23T22:47:00.000-06:00

I don't blog enough these days, I know. Can I even call myself a blogger anymore?

As the title of this post suggests, times have been fun.

Lilly got the stomach flu again. Puked all over my parents bedroom floor actually. I was hoping Noah would get a pass again this round. Then he woke up crying tonight and when I went in to check on him, he was covered (and I mean that in every sense of the word) in vomit.

Shane was working late, then went to the gym before coming home. As I cleaned up and tried to comfort a sobbing sick child, I must admit I wasn't thinking very positive thoughts about my husband as I imagined him rocking out to his tunes and checking out the gym bunnies (is there even such a thing as a gym bunny??).

Once Noah was asleep again and the stinkies were in the washer, I wasn't mad anymore. So when he came home (slurpee in hand) I didn't say a word about our little fight that he knew nothing about. At least he brought a peace offering, even if he didn't know that's what he was doing.

Do you know what tomorrow is? (Or today if your reading this in the morning)

It's Thursday.

The season premier of Grey's Anatomy.

Yeah, I'm just a little excited.

And what's the deal with Pickles? I've almost eaten an entire jar in under a day. That's just wrong and creepy. And no, I'm not "craving". I've just been eating a lot of pickles. Hopefully they are low calorie. I guess I should check.

If they aren't low cal, I guess I can always become a gym bunny.

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

It's a School Night

2009-09-13T21:07:00.000-06:00

Tonight is the first school night of the year in our house.

Tomorrow, Lilly starts her second year of Preschool.

She'll be going an extra day this year in preparation for kindergarten. It just blows my mind that she is getting so grownup already.

With her in Kindergarten next year and Noah in Preschool, I will have a few hours of no children at home. Sounds tantalizing. Only a year to go. But then, who knows. Maybe things will change by then.

Anyways... Lilly is excited for school. She loves her teacher and all her friends. She is so social and friendly. I just adore that little princess. And it will be nice to have a few hours to spend with Noah. I want to take him to the park or the aquarium and have some nice one on one with Mom.

I guess Summer is officially over and the routine begins again.

Happy School Year everyone.

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

Shake'n It Off

2009-09-05T20:13:00.000-06:00

Oh my goodness! I'm so sick and tired of my own grouchiness that I about unsubscribed to my own Blog Feed.

I hope you were kind enough to stick around even though I don't think I've written anything uplifting or non-ranting in a long time.

After surgery, I was surprised at how much worse I felt than I had expected to. Then, my entire family (even extended family) caught the stomach flu. Kids puking, grouchy husband, and my own fevers to boot... I missed sleeping in my own bed (I've been sleeping on the couch downstairs to avoid middle of the night body slams from heavy toddlers) and I was so sad as disappointed that we had to cancel a trip to Shane's family and go to the Eastern Idaho State Fair (it's a yearly tradition). All this, combined with a huge case of cabin fever left me with no patience and a fuse shorter than a tooth pick.

Usually I can shake it off and not be so quick to be offended.
So, that being said, I am sorry for my outburst. As if you all don't have enough stress in your lives. People actually with real problems. When in all honesty... Call me un-American. I really could NOT care less what you think about me.

So, I'm done. (Sigh of relief)

In other news:

Noah has been outgrowing his crib at an alarming speed. That kid is as rambunctious (no idea how to spell that word) in his sleep as he is when he is awake.

I think the cheapy crib mattress mixed with not enough room is what is making him wake up in the middle of the night and want to sleep with me.

So tonight we moved our queen sized quest bed (my bed pre-marraige) to his room. Cleaned out his toys and gave him a big boy room.

To start his first night off as a big boy we said prayers kneeling next to his bed. I usually will hold him during prayers before I lay him down. But now that he has a big bed, we kneeled down next to it and folded our arms.

And here is the BEST part:

Shane dictated a very simple, single word after single word prayers, and my little man who can't say even a single FULL word (other than Go) mimicked his Daddy and said his own bedtime prayer for the first time!!

Oh my word!! I knelt there with my eyes closed and my arms folded and I think my heart exploded bigger than the house.

He couldn't say the entire words. But he copied his Daddy the best he could and it was the most perfect thing I have ever heard!

We said Amen and I looked at Shane and we laughed. It was wonderful!

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A Few Recent Pictures

2009-07-26T23:17:00.012-06:00

Lilly and her daddy. (She is SUCH a Daddy's Girl!)

We went to Utah's favorite amusement park, Lagoon. The kids had a BLAST!

Lilly celebrated her 4th birthday with a Princess Party.

Noah and Jasper are best buds.

Bad weathers. (This is what Lilly calls it. "Do you like bad weathers mom? I like bad weathers. Nanny only likes bad weathers if she is inside.")

Jasper the puppy BEFORE his haircut. Now he looks like a rat. But he's still super sweet and tons of fun. Even more so now that he is potty trained.

I am working on remodeling my kitchen, one small project at a time. First up? Painting my accent wall.

Lilly had cupcakes at her birthday this year. They were HUGE!

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My Beautiful Family

2009-07-14T18:26:00.001-06:00

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Happy Birthday Noah!

2009-06-11T23:58:00.000-06:00

My family has a special second verse to the traditional Happy Birthday song.

It all started with my Grandma B. This verse is so much a part of the Happy Birthday tradition that my little sister had no idea that we are the only ones who sing it. It's just our way and always has been.

So when I sang Happy Birthday to Noah through out the day I sang this verse to him every time also. But then, before bed, I realized that a small change could be made so that it fit Noah even more. I changed one word. Instead of "we're" I sang "you're" instead.

So one last time for my little man. . .

Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday, my sweet Noah. Happy Birthday to you.

Love's the reason you're here. Love's the reason you're here. Love's the reason, Love's the reason. Love's the reason you're here.

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

Here is the letter I wrote Noah and posted over on Noah's Adventure:

My Sweet Boy,

Oh how Mommy loves you. It's been two years since you entered my world and it's been the best two years. While times haven't been easy for either of us you have brightened my world and taught me more about being a mother than I ever could have imagined.

You give me loves and hugs and kisses. You have taught me about faith and hope and sacrifice. You make me laugh. Every single day you make me laugh.

You are brave, my little one. Don't ever lose that. Continue to face every challenge in your life as if there was never an option to fail. Remember to find humor in the simple things and you will always be able to keep a smile on your face when times are hard. Most importantly, give thanks to your Heavenly Father every day for the blessings he has blessed you with. You have been a miracle in the lives of many and have been given so many blessings already in your life. If you remember that all that you have been given is a gift of a loving Heavenly Father, he will continue to guide you through your journey on this earth.

These are things that you have helped teach me from the moment you took your first breath. I am a better person because of you. You are my hero, little one.

Never forget that I love you more than words could ever say and I always will.

Happy Birthday my Heart Warrior. Love is the reason you're here.

Your Mommy

Courage and Honor and Decency

2009-06-08T00:02:00.000-06:00

This weekend I have been able to watch several movies I have never seen before. Sometimes I am lucky to see one but things just worked out for me to see several this weekend. It was kind of nice.

One movie I got to see was The Tale of Despereaux. A very cute movie about, as Lilly would say, talking mice.

Despereaux is a very small mouse. Not just to humans but even to mice. He reminded me very much of Noah.

To the world, Noah is just a small little guy. But in his own mind, he is a giant.

He's not afraid of anything. He walks into situations that would cause others to cower with his head held high. He doesn't even know that being scared or weak is an option.

Like a valiant prince going into a battle, Noah has courageously fought many physical battles. He has been strong and determined. He is so brave he never considered there was another way.

Today he is a small little guy with an angel heart. He continues to face each new day and each new experience with an innocent hope that I envy.

It's a honor to be his mother. He teaches me so much and yet he also relies on me to guide him and teach him so many things.

In the movie, Despereaux reads a book about a prince who is going to rescue a princess. He was a good man. One of the very few men in the world who had courage, and honor and decency. These are a few of the things I hope Noah brings with him into adulthood. A few traits that he brought into this world when he took his first breath. A few things that I pray he never loses.

He may be small, but its my dream he continues to walk into the unknown with his head held high and curiosity in his eyes.

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

Today I Was A Good Mom

2009-06-07T00:39:00.000-06:00

I guess if you have read my previous post then you know that by saying "Today I was a good mom" I mean today as in a few short hours out of A day. Just wanted to clarify so you would slap a false advertising sticker on me.

But on to my story.

After Lilly was born I realized that my days of going anywhere had just been strangled alive by the diaper bag strap and crushed by the car seat and run over by the stroller..Most days it was just to hard to bring along all the needed stuff and still end up with a screaming child because you brought the wrong treat or the sippy had apple juice not chocolate milk.

So I stayed home. . . A lot.

Then right around the time that Lilly became easier to take places and the diaper bag could be left in the car, I went and did what any other mom (who conceived without trouble SURPRISE!) Would do, I gave birth to my son Noah.

And the entire process begins again.
I stay home a lot. Shane and I do try to take the kids out to eat once a week for "Family Dinner Out Night". (Yes, we made this up. We are very smrt.) But even with the two of us tag teaming the two monkeys we still end up getting worked over. They fight dirty alone but together they can cause complete anarchy within seconds.

And this brings me to why I was a good mom today.

I took my kids to lunch (I meaning just ME! Shane had to work.) at Wendy's and when they asked can we go in, I said yes!!

We skipped the drive thru and went inside. We sat at a table and dipped our fries in little ketchup cups and ate our plain cheese burgers while Noah threw his chicken Nuggets. He finally ate one or two. Lilly ate the rest.

Then, we got back in the car and used some anti bacterial wipes to clean up. Noah likes to pretend to blow his nose (he can do it if he needs to, however, Lilly hasn't figured out the concept.) Well, seeing Noah pretend made Lilly want to try.

"Mom! I did it! WOW! That's a BIG booger. Here hold this mom."

She blew a "BIG booger" out of her nose into a tissue without picking for the first time ever! And it was a big booger, I saw it!

Oh the things that make a mother proud.

But the fun doesn't stop there.

We drove over to Wheeler Farm which is a local full functioning farm and historic museum. Today was vendor day and there was tons of fun stuff to do.

We saw horses, baby horses, sheep, geese, swans, ducks, and a pony (we didn't make it over to the animal part.) Lilly got a pretty red jeweled bracelet, fairy butterfly wings, a princess wand AND she got to see her favorite teacher Miss Nicole. We painted and played games and got treats.

Noah got a wooden hand carved flute (recorder type thing), a prince wand, toys, and treats.

Lilly even got to go inside a Bouncy castle for the first time ever. She had so much fun.

Getting them to the car was tricky but I prevailed. And I did this all without getting stressed out or frustrated.

But any thoughts I had about easier outings now have been squashed.

At dinner we were back to tag teaming/two timing them and they still worked us.
Let's just say this: Lilly bippitee boppitee boo'd several people at the top of her lunch as she "knighted" them with her princess wand.

I'm just glad my kids recognized the sacrifice I was making by giving it a shot because they behaved quite well for the most part. They made it easy to be a good mom.

Good kids do that.

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

A Memorable Weekend

2009-05-27T17:02:00.002-06:00

Many things happened this past Memorial Day Weekend.

Many things indeed.

First, was being able to go see Terminator Salvation. Shane and I are both big Terminator fans (he likes the first one while I prefer the second) so a Terminator movie with good special effects and Christian Bale were a definite must see.

Then, Monday morning we went to Ikea for breakfast. Did you know they offer a $1.99 breakfast? Did you know that every time I've been it's been FREE? Sometimes they just have free breakfast day. Who knew? Afterwards we strolled the store. I always find cool things to get when I am there. This time I got Lilly a new Tea Set because Noah chucked parts of her old one and busted it. I also picked her up some painting supplies. She had a great time painting pictures for her Daddy's office.

At one point, Noah grabbed a big plastic trash can and went on his merry way pushing it down the aisle. Until he tripped and went running off in a mad fashion. Complete with arms flailing about. When we finally caught up with him we saw blood running down his face. Turns out those little Parana teeth don't show preference to their own lips.

An Ikea associate was quick on the scene to make sure everything was okay. She called the First Aid responder for us to bring us some gauze and a cold pack. I was very impressed with how fast someone was there offering their help.

After we were done shopping we came home and took a breather. Noah and I napped while Shane and Lilly did their daddy-daughter thing tinkering in the garage. A short time later I woke to a great surprise. Lilly was the new recipient of the Tinker Bell Music Box With A Key that had been sitting in the closet waiting for her to "poop in the potty". There were many songs and dances and hugs and kisses and high fives that afternoon!

Then. . . She did it AGAIN!! This time she earned a trip to Chucky E Cheeses. She hopped off the potty and said Let's go! When I told her we couldn't go that day because Daddy had to work and we should wait till he could go to she replied "Uhhh, no. Let's go now. Daddy doesn't need to go."

Monday afternoon we also switched Noah's cribbed over to a toddler bed. The goal was to allow him to get out of bed in the morning on his own so he would stop screaming bloody murder the moment he woke up. We just hoped he wouldn't also get out when going to bed. He goes to bed so easily that I wondered if we were making a big mistake.

Turns out I was worried about nothing. I'm sure he will have his phases of not wanting to go to bed as he gets older but so far we haven't had a problem. He lays right down and goes right to sleep. We've had two bed times and two nap times with the same results.

All in all, it was a nice extended weekend together as a family. We miss our loved ones who have gone home before us. Their memory and love are always carried in our hearts. We also are very thankful for the many men and women who have lived and died serving our country. It is because of their sacrifice that we have the freedoms we have today.

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

CPAP, Headbutts, and Pictures. Oh My!

2009-03-27T18:28:00.004-06:00

I slept with my new CPAP machine last night. Turns out that during my recent sleep studies I was diagnoses with Sleep Apnea (where you stop breathing during the night). My case is mild, I only stop about 15 times an hour. But add that to long apnea spells and my blood oxygen level drops as low as 72% for about 12% of the night.

When I had my second sleep study to determine the settings I needed, I slept with the mask on the entire night. When they brought me my own machine yesterday, I wasn't given the same mask. Since I'm a mouth breather (attractive, I know) I have to have one that covers my mouth and nose and the one they gave me rests on my forehead and isn't comfortable. I had hoped since I have to drug myself to sleep anyways that maybe it wouldn't matter. Well, it must. I don't think I made it even half way through my normal 5 hours of drug induced sleep before I took it off. I woke up without it on. I don't remember taking it off.

I'll give it another shot tonight. But I'm not holding my breath (or am I??). Bad joke, I know.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This morning I was laying on the couch. I was tired and my head hurt. (Maybe that had something to do with wearing or not wearing the Chastity Mask... oh I meant CPAP). Noah was playing around and Shane was chasing him. Well, he likes to run from Shane and burying his head in my lap or arm or whatever he can get to. Since I had my eyes closed I didn't see him coming. His huge noggin banged me on the bridge of my nose so hard my teeth nearly chomped my tongue off. And I thought I had a headache before. I don't know why but he does this to me a lot. I'm either going to end up dying from my nose being shoved into my head or my nose is going to fall off.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I finally started getting my tax information ready to take to H&R Block. (You can say it. I'm a slacker!) I have to go through my accounts and get totals for Mary Kay and Medical Expenses. I should have started in November. Instead I started today. No pressure. Luckily I got quite a bit done (either that or I'm forgetting what I really need) so I jumped over to Photoshop and played around a bit more. I seriously need to take my photoshop courses because I could do this full time. I would feel like I was never working. It's detailed and creative and computer related... right up my alley. Maybe I can take a course this summer. I also added a Velum like graphic to a couple of the pictures. It was on a recent tutorial from the i ♥ faces blog. Of course I had to try it. What do you think? I'm really up for some comments and thoughts. That being said, I'm 100% self taught so please be nice. "I just don't think I could take that kind of rejection" (name the movie!!).

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

Smile

2009-03-26T00:41:00.006-06:00

I have been having fun with the i♥faces photography contest each Tuesday. Since Shane gave me my new camera for Christmas, it's been a good excuse to post a new picture each week. This week I didn't participate because, well, I thought it was still Monday. It would seem the weeks are going by so quickly lately that I've decided to subconsciously relive past days. Though today sure felt like a Friday.

Not a big deal though. I caught up on work last night so today I spent my online time learning Photoshop. I'm not very good and I still have NO idea what I am doing but it's still fun. What I really need to do is work on my composition. I haven't taken a photography class in such a long time I've lost my artsy touch. I've gone point and shoot. *shrug* What can ya do?

Here are a few of the photos I did today.

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

i ♥ faces: Creative Crop

2009-03-10T20:26:00.005-06:00

This week we also get to post our original picture so you can see how "creative" our crop really was. This was difficult because it seems to be so programmed into my head to look for the right way to crop. So to visualize it as creative proved to be a challenge. But I believe that's the entire point. To push our creative process and enhance our skills.

Visit i ♥ faces for more entries.

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

iHEARTFaces: Messy

2009-03-03T15:05:00.004-07:00

Visit the i ♥ faces blog for more entries.

Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.

Noah Sleeping Pre-Heart Transplant

2008-10-02T00:34:00.004-06:00

Here is the cutest picture ever of Noah sleeping... pre-transplant of course.

I'm entering this photo into the 5 Minutes for Mom Photo Contest. How awesome would it be to win Noah a new bedroom set (the Summer Breeze one)? He is in desperate need!!

My Kids

2008-09-23T15:16:00.000-06:00

I know it's bad form to brag and frankly I don't want to seem prideful... so hopefully being the mommy will earn me a bi this time. But...

I just have to say that my kids are ADORABLE!! I mean it! I keep coming back to my blog just to look at my ~~over sized~~ perfectly sized header.

It has nothing to do with the fact that Lilly is just the sweetest thing and when I laid on the couch yesterday she brought me her special Pink Blanket and a pillow and sang me night time songs.

Or that when Noah saw me after I got home from running errands he gave me about 500 kisses.

Or that when they took a bath together last night they played and laughed with each other.

It's just the fact that they are CUTE!!

Okay... maybe it does have a little to do with their sweetness, and that I'm their mommy and that ~~they love me~~ I love them! lol

I'm Going To Blame The Pain Killers

2008-07-10T22:00:00.004-06:00

Today was NOT a good day.

I woke up with a migraine and fought it all day. This was not helped by the fact that the kids were nothing but one big tantrum all day long. Noah just cried and screamed. Lilly did nothing but yell, cry, throw one tantrum after another, then add on top of this the fact that she never quit talking... not. even. once...

Then add to the mix that between the hours of 8am and 2:30pm I changed 11 poopy diapers. Yes, you read that right, 11. Eleven poopy diapers between two kids. Any wonder why I hate changing diapers?

So, on to the title of this post.

The entire day, Shane rested on the couch. I cooked and brought him food. He didn't need to deal with the kids (even though I really could have used his help) but this is all with good reason. He is recovering from surgery and needs to rest. I totally get this. And I want him to heal. I don't want him to help me while he's recovering.

But then....

Once the kids were bathed and FINALLY in bed, I start cooking him something to eat for dinner... THIS is when he gets off the couch to "help." I tell him to just go lay down, I can take care of it. (thinking to myself... Oh, NOW, that the kids are in bed.) His response? "Well... I get stir crazy just laying there." Then, he knows I've had a horrible horrible day, so he comes up to me to give me a kiss on my neck but before his lips even touch my neck he pulls back and says... "Wow! You are sweating garlic from every pore!"

I just smiled.

I wanted to slap him.

I know I smell... I've done nothing but chase kids around all day, tried to do crafts with Lilly that ended up just causing more tantrums, I had just bathed them both in a hot humid bathroom, and now I'm cooking dinner over a hot stove.

Yet, I just smiled.

He normally is much more sensitive and helpful. So, I'm going to give him an out and blame his pain killers. And I'll be super nice and not even tell him about this and unless he reads this post (which I doubt he will) he will never know.

Man, I really love this man.

My Family

2008-06-29T00:23:00.002-06:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOAH!!

2008-06-11T00:00:00.001-06:00

Happy Birthday my dear sweet precious boy!!

Thank you to all of you who have sent your well wishes and prayers our way. Thank you for celebrating this momentous occasion.

Here are some photo's from his recent birthday celebration. You can also read more about his birthday at Noah's Adventure. (And check it out for a very cool new video!!)

It's funny, I think he is the ONLY kid in the world who wouldn't TOUCH his cake. And I'm serious, he wouldn't touch it. I tried to get him to taste it... and well, you can see he didn't like it much.

He loves his Aunt Jenny.

And his Daddy.

But not the cake.

Grandma and Noah partied just a little too hard.

A classic Noah cheeser smile. Who couldn't love this little man???

Why?

2008-06-08T21:31:00.002-06:00

I'm not afraid. I'm not worried. I trust the Lord. I know Noah is in His hands just as much now as he was a year ago. I know we are blessed beyond measure to have the greatest Doctor.

Then why won't my heart stop pounding? Why can't I get it to stop throbbing in my head and trying to jump out my throat? Why is it every time I try NOT to think about handing over my precious little miracle baby to go into his Heart Cath I start to cry?

Shane says it's because I'm a Mom and that's my job.