My heart is gone. It's left me and gone to school.
Yesterday marked the beginning of the end. My oldest, Ms. Princess Lilly, started Kindergarten. For the next 13 years she will leave me and go to school and before I know it she is going to be graduating and going off the college. And then she is going to get married and have babies.... but maybe I'll get lucky. She does tell me every day that she is NOT getting married ever because what if the boy wants her to live with him? She can't do that cause she wants to live me with forever. (Thank you my sweet girl.)
Lilly has been a bit nervous about starting Kindergarten. She didn't want to go to a new school with new friends and a new teacher. She wished she could go back to preschool to see Ms. Nicole and all her old friends. But when the day came, she was bursting with excitement. First thing in the morning, she came into my room, all smiles, "Mom, I know what today is... it's the first day of school!" She picked out her new outfit to wear and asked me to curl her hair. "Is it time yet? How much longer?"
Sweet Noah wasn't as excited. Maybe he didn't quite understand, it's hard to say. Either way, he knew something was up and it worried him. He woke up way too early so I sat with him all morning so he would go back to sleep and get some rest. All morning he acted concerned and nervous but when it came down to it, he was so brave.
I hate that his hair is so short and makes him look sick. I refuse to pay to get his hair cut anymore since it's such an awful experience for him and never turns out anyways. And since he was in desperate need, I decided to break out the clippers. I was already "invested" when I realized the clippers were in fact broken and I had to switch to Shane's which don't have any attachment. Hence, Noah's cancer boy hair cut. Good thing it grows back super fast.
Anyways, Monday morning, we got up and made bacon, eggs and pancakes. Took baths and showers, got ready for the day and headed off to school. It was so nice Shane had the day off and could be there with us for this memorable day.
We dropped off Noah first. He was so scared but was the bravest little man. A class aid came out and walked him in. He said good bye and took her hand. But then he had to stop and ask about Mom again.
Watching him walk off was SO heart wrenching for me. When we went to pick him up he seemed out of it and the first thing he said when he saw me was "Da?" I assured him that Dad was in the car and we left. As soon as he saw that Mom and Dad were there he perked up a little. But it took him a few hours to ease up and not be so anxious. His progress report says he got sleepy during snack time (which he wouldn't eat) so they laid him on a bean bag and he took a nap. Just shows how nervous he was. This kid never sleeps, let alone nap, and he ended up sleeping through the first day of school.
Next up it was Lilly's turn. We headed off to Kindergarten (she goes to a different elementary school than Noah but it's real close). There is about a half hour between Noah's drop off and Lilly's so when we got there we went and played on the playground. It was during an older classes recess so she headed off alone while Shane and I stood off to the side watching. She was nervous and slow to join in. Watching her be so self conscious and cautious felt like a knife to my heart. I never want her to feel that way. It made me want to scoop her up and take her back home. Shane echoed my feelings by saying that Homeschool had never looked so good. (I love that man!)
Luckily, when the other kids began to arrive, Lilly saw an old friend from her Preschool. Turns out Camryn is in her new class so she at least knew one person. She was SO excited. There is another Lilly in her class too (and according to Lilly she has the same hair as Camryn). These three girls grouped right up and boy, it did this Momma's heart good to see her with some friends.
Then it was time. Lilly lined up (again, acting nervous and unsure and I'm very proud of myself for not "rescuing" her from the big bad evil kindergarten), waved good bye, and walked through the doors into the rest of her life.
I know it's a bit melodramatic. I know there are parents out there who think over protective parents are doing their children a disservice. But I am not one of those people. I would keep my babies by my side and in my arms forever if it meant keeping them safe. If I could protect their little hearts from sadness or pain. I have a very hard time entrusting their care and safety to anyone else. When I became a mother, I found myself. My life had meaning and purpose and reason. I gladly sacrifice all that I am and have for these precious gifts. I really hope that the coming years are good to my babies. That they find joy and excitement in this new adventure. That they continue to develop talents and a sense of worth through their accomplishments. And I pray every day that Heavenly Father watches over them and keeps them safe for me.
After drop off, Shane and I found ourselves with 2 hours of alone time. So we ran some errands and enjoyed a non-interrupted conversation. It was actually quite nice. Since that's Shane's day off each week, I think I'm going to really like Mondays now.
We picked up Noah and headed back to get Lilly. Turns out she had a hard time with the scarf-belt and needed help getting it undone to go potty (thank goodness the Principal recognized her need and helped out). I have no idea how long she held it but I suspect it was a while because she asked me why Kindergarten was SO long. It made me feel so bad and guilty. I should have known better... what a rookie mistake. So I think she is going to have to save her belt for home-use for now.
That night we had pizza to celebrate their first day. We began our new at-home reading project and we played and enjoyed family time. It may be the beginning of the end but I plan on enjoying the journey every step of the way.
Be A Hero. Be An Organ Donor.