It's Just My Luck

It may be just my luck but I mean it in more ways than one.

Shane and I made the difficult decision to have another baby. I say the decision was difficult because any time you have a child with health concerns like Noah, having another baby is a scary option. But we both have had very personal experiences that have convinced us that our family is not finished so we started trying for another.

I have some fertility issues known as PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome). Big words that mean I don't ovulate. I tried for two years while taking fertility medication before I finally got pregnant with Lilly. Noah didn't take as long. So this time around, I knew what I needed to do to get started and I began taking medication that would help induce ovulation. I was very surprised to find out that it worked the first round!

I was six weeks along and on Friday night I began experiencing horrible pain that just came out of nowhere. BAM! It hurt so bad I couldn't move or breath but I know that my pain threshold (the level you begin feeling pain at) is very low so I tried to just live through it. The next morning I felt better but by Saturday afternoon, the pain was back. Hours and hours of it. Still.... I just lived with it. By this point, I figured I was just having a miscarriage. (Hence my cryptic Facebook post about being sad. Sorry about that. I hate being vague. I just wasn't ready to share it yet.) Anyways, I woke up Sunday morning and the pain was better. Still very tender but better. Sunday night it came back with a vengeance and I finally started bleeding. I called the OB Emergency Services and they confirmed for me that there was nothing they could do to stop it at only 6 weeks. There was no need to come in unless I began bleeding very heavily. So I went to bed.

Monday morning came and I wasn't bleeding anymore but my entire stomach area was so tender. It hurt to move. So I called my Dr's office and spoke with a N.P. that was available. She said she was concerned about the pain and wanted me to come in to have an ultrasound right away. I jumped out of bed and drove right there.

I had a vaginal ultrasound done, so they could see more details. Afterward, I sat and waited a very long time while she showed the results to the Dr. I knew it wasn't good. And it wasn't.

Not only did I have an ectopic pregnancy, but it had ruptured and I was bleeding internally. The damage was so bad that she couldn't even see any signs of a pregnancy that might have been there. All she could see was damage and blood.

I was taken over to the ER and admitted. While I didn't feel sick, just pain, I knew it was a very serious issue by how fast they got things figured out and scheduled. I was prepped and in surgery by 9:30pm. Luckily, my sister was able to go watch the kids and Shane made it up here in time to give me a Priesthood blessing and a kiss before I was taken into the OR.

As they wheeled me down the hall, I said a prayer. I told Heavenly Father that I wanted to pray that they would be able to fix everything and save everything but what it really came down to was that I just wanted to wake up and be able to go home and see my babies again. Then, I tried very hard not to be afraid and to have faith.

I woke up several hours later, groggy and itchy (darn anesthesia) but well. It turns out that they were not able to save my fallopian tube. It was beyond repair and wouldn't stop bleeding. But they were able to get everything cleaned up and fixed. And while it might take me longer to conceive again, it can happen. I am at greater risk now for developing another ectopic, but with early and routine tests I can go on to have another baby.

I've been told that I am very lucky. Most woman who end up having a rupture and hemorrhaging like I did, bleed out and even die. It's even more apparent just how lucky I am when you think that I suffered with it for 4 days before I came to the hospital. So while it was just my luck to actually have this be something this serious it is also my luck to have survived and come out of it okay. One more blessing, in a long list of many, that I can attribute to my Heavenly Father.

My life seems to be this story of never ending extraordinary blessings. I have several memories from my childhood of such events. Then of course, there is my car accident and unbelievable recovery and Noah and his miracle. Now this.

Thank you to those of you who prayed and sent up good thoughts on my behalf. Thank you to those of you who have offered service for my family during my recovery. My gratitude is beyond expression. I pray that God will bless you and give you the righteous desires of your heart. That you will be blessed for the kindness that you have shown to me. I love you all.

I may not know who said it but I know their message is true....

"When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen. There will be solid ground to stand on or you will be taught to fly."
-Author Unknown

....because I am being taught to fly.


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