Monday, December 31, 2007
I don't know what is.
Maybe it's knowing that tomorrow is the last day of the year. A year full of such pain and sadness. It's been harder than I even have the strength to admit to myself. I don't talk about that much. Even now, I erase what I type as I try to explain everything I've been through. There are no words for such things.
As I try to deal with all the difficult things, I find myself trying so hard to only focus on the wonderful miracles that God has given Noah and my family. And the amazing strength he gave me to make it through the hard times. For a love that no words can describe.
Then, when it's late at night and my heart is unsettled.... I don't want to face the emotions that I have buried.
I guess it's just time to go to sleep. This year is almost over and the next is full of Joy and Happiness.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Christmas was WONDERFUL! I don't know who had more fun, me or Lilly. At first Lilly was afraid to come out of her room because she thought Santa was still in the living room. Once we explained that Santa was back at the North Pole but there were presents, she reluctantly came out.... hiding behind Shane's legs. She would peak around at all the gifts then hide again because she was too excited. Once she came out though, it was a blast. She got a little table and chairs with the Little Mermaid on them, and a little red coupe car (not a motor one, it's more like a Flinstone car) from Santa. Then from Mom and Dad she got tons of dishes and play food. Nanny and Poppy gave her a chest full of princess dresses to go with the tons of princess shoes we also got her. Needless to say she was spoiled rotten. Noah got a few new toys and some clothes but not too much since he doesn't care or know any better. He actually was so tired that he was only awake for about 10 minutes of the whole thing then went back to sleep.
I was finally able to surprise Shane this year. I secretly got him an HD DVD player and the Blade Runner Collectors Edition in HD. I was so excited to get it for him. (My credit card wasn't so excited and next month when the bill is due I KNOW I won't be so excited, but right now I don't care!!) Shane gave me a very cool iPod dock that is now hung under our kitchen cabinets. It plays my iPod and the radio, tv stations, and weather band. I LOVE IT! But here is an example of what an absolutely WONDERFUL man I married....
For those of you who don't know, my birthday is December 25th. Yes, I was born on Christmas. Most people would think that would stink but I LOVE it. You see, ever since my very first birthday my parents chose to celebrate my birthday on April 6th. That way I could still have my very own special day (and I'm sure it helped spread the cost of Christmas and birthdays up a bit) and I wouldn't have to share my birthday with everyone else. They chose April 6th since that is the day that Christ was really born. So I celebrate my birthday on His and He celebrates His birthday on mine. It's worked out perfectly. But since I celebrate my birthday in April, my true birthday, on Christmas, goes unmentioned. Growing up my brother and sisters would always wake me up to come open presents by singing happy birthday to me (which if your reading this, THANK YOU because I always LOVED this!) and my parents would wish me a happy birthday but that was the extent of it. The only person who ever did anything for "my birthday" was my Grandma Brown (who passed away 10 years ago). She always gave me an extra small little gift to recognize that it was my birthday. (Oh, how I still miss her) Anyways... back to my wonderful husband. This year, he came home from work on Christmas eve with a vase of beautiful flowers and a gift certificate to the Spa as my Birthday Gift!! What a wonderful man. Not only did he do even something thoughtful but he also spoiled me with a Spa trip. It was so unnecessary and yet so incredible SWEET! I just LOVE him!
And to make my birthday even sweeter, my parents even gave me a birthday gift. ANOTHER spa gift certificate. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to be able to go and spend a few hours of pure relaxation with no screaming children or poopy diapers. I get butterflies in my tummy just thinking about it! They even offered to come babysit since they know I have a hard time getting out since I don't feel comfortable with just anyone watching my kids (especially now with Noah's extra needs). Can I just say how blessed I am!! I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful family!! I have beautiful, and now healthy children, we have been given a huge gift of a new heart for Noah and I am humbled at the support that I have been given from those around me and from my Heavenly Father. I truly have been blessed.
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas too. I can't wait to read all the Christmas updates on everyones blogs and hear about all the fun things every did. And I promise to post pictures this weekend!!
Friday, December 21, 2007
But yes, it would be Just My Luck that I would get sick 4 days before Christmas. I seriously don't understand how this happened. I never leave my house unless I am going to the Hospital. I was my hands all day and use Hospital grade soap along with Hospital grade hand sanitizer in-between washes. I make sure no one comes over who is sick.... but last night I started getting a sore throat and today... I am sick!
You know, I am actually quite pissed off about this. Growing up, there wasn't a single and I mean SINGLE Christmas that I can remember where I wasn't sick. Strep Throat usually. I remember laying on the couch in the dark looking at the Christmas tree lights sweating with fever, throat burning like hell, waiting for our Home Teachers to come over and help my Dad give me a blessing. Every year it was the same story.
AND to make matters even worse... I don't have the luxury to be sick (and yes, it's very sad to say that right now in my life, being sick could be considered a luxury if it meant I could sleep more). What if Noah gets sick???? This is the big question. He is already acting sick. And if he gets sick from me... well lets just say there would be GUILT! I just can NOT get my sweet precious baby sick after all he has been through.
So, since I can feel it in my sinuses and this sort of thing ALWAYS gives me a sinus infection or Bronchitis, I went to the Urgent Care. I was told I have a virus and there is nothing they could do. I begged for some sort of anti viral med or even an antibiotic to help clear up and prevent any sinus infection. But the mean mean man refused. Good grief! I want my $25 back!
Even though Noah is on Synigis (or however you spell the fortune in a syringe) it still isn't a 100% protection against RSV. As if I needed THAT added to my stress level.
Anyways... I am sorry about the rant. But I am tired, my house is a mess, I'm worried about getting Noah and Lilly sick, I haven't finished or even really started wrapping presents, and my cell phone is being a pain in my butt. Does that cover it? Probably not. Just needed to vent my frustrations. Really, if the mean mean man had just given me something, I wouldn't be so upset. I would at least feel like I was doing all that I could to help keep Noah healthy. But since he didn't, all I am doing in walking around my house infecting everything.
I've considered wearing a bandanna around my mouth and nose all day but figured Lilly would have a fit. She's funny like that.
Oh which reminds me of something that naughty little booger did today.
I was talking on the phone for work and some how I pick up this unexpected noise. The toilet flushing. "That's odd." I think. Then it comes again. Suddenly my brain wakes up and I realize that the toilet is NOT flushing itself and this could mean bad things.
I rush into my bathroom to find Lilly. Flushing the toilet over and over again. The toilet seat is completely wet and the bowl is completely FULL of random items. An envelope, a package of gum, a receipt, a package of wipes, and a whole bunch of stuff I can't remember. But the bowl was FULL! I have no idea what was lost when she flushed but at least it didn't plug.
And as I sit here writing this I realized a horrible thing. I didn't wash her hands afterwards. I was still on the phone and I was distracted. She did wash them before bed but that was a few hours later. OH MY GOSH!! I AM A TERRIBLE MOM!!! I can't believe I did that! It's no wonder I am sick. It's toilet karma trying to teach me a lesson. Crap! (ha ha just a little bathroom humor)
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Being in Denver and not really having a "personal outlet" was difficult. But I found great relief in being able to type out my feelings or even just random thoughts that were running through my brain. It gave me an outlet. It gave me a release. I wasn't writing for anyone to actually read it. At least.... not in the beginning. I was thrilled when people would leave a comment and that eventually grew into something totally different. Suddenly I wanted to drive traffic to my blog. I was curious to see how many "hits" I could get. I started to lose my focus.
Then, when I came back home to Salt Lake, the whole blogging therapy took a step back on the priorities list as I now had my husband and family and I now had a house to take care of too. It helped me to refocus my attention on the real reason I began blogging in the first place.
I still check my "stats" just to see who's stopping by. It doesn't really tell me who, but I'm always intrigued when I see I've had a visitor from Egypt or India (mind you, they are not really coming to read my blog. It's usually a Google search that brought it up but it wasn't what they were looking for.)
That brings me to why I need to be slapped.... Tonight, I went to check out my visitors and the number was ZERO!! A big fat NADA, nothing, no one! I went numb. Have I suddenly become SO boring that nobody even bothers to stop by anymore? Forget leaving comments.... I don't even deserve a quick look??? I almost panicked. I am totally embarrassed even writing this. Seriously... how could this be more humiliating????
All these thoughts running through my head. My self-esteem bottoming out like a stock market crash.... then I realized. It was 12:15 am and the list said I hadn't had any visitors TODAY as in the last 15 minutes! When I checked my visitors for yesterday, I had about the same as I always do. (Thank you for visiting by the way!!)
I am so humiliated. So why write and share this with everyone? Because I have to laugh at myself. I need you to laugh at me. Otherwise, life is just too serious!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Last night I gave Lilly some new Princess PJ's. It's a nightgown with Ariel, Belle, Cinderella, and Aurora on it. To say she LOVED it would be an understatement. When she saw it she came running and was trying to rip her clothes off and she ran. (but she hasn't even begun to master taking her own clothes off yet so you can imagine the spectacle.)
Well.. this morning when I tried to get her ready for church, she wouldn't take it off. But after much coercion... she ended up wearing the following:
- A gold dress without the little jacket that goes with it. (as seen in our Christmas Pictures)
- A red t-Shirt with white sleeves that has a picture on it of Ariel in a gold dress OVER the top of her gold dress.
- Cream colored tights.
- Blue Little Mermaid "heels" that light up when she walks.
Then she insisted on a jacket because it was cold outside. The ONLY one she would wear was blue, pink, and white striped. After that, it was all I could do to trick her out of bringing her full sized pink fuzzy blanket with her.
Mind you... she is TWO! And yet she is already opinionated enough to force me to send her to church wearing miss-match dress up. It's so funny, it's cute. I just hope I can get a picture.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Sunday, December 09, 2007
The first is the Spirit of Christmas award that you can learn about here.
The second is the Bodacious Blog Award. What an honor!!
I am going to pass both of these along to the following:
- Leeann (Because she is SO giving, SO sweet, and always makes me laugh!)
- Jenny (Because I've never met someone more dedicated to sharing love and support to those who need it most.)
- Sarah (Because she always has the most supportive things to say and I love reading her blog.)
- Nancy (Because I love her and I am SO thankful for all her support.)
- Muranda (Because she inspires me with what a wonderful woman she is.)
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Lilly LOVES the snow and as soon as she woke up she wanted to go out and play.
Then it was bath time. Lilly needed to defrost and Noah needed to degrease (since the cortisone ointment is very greasy). This was their first bath together. It went well. Noah didn't mind having water dumped on him by his big sister. He was too busy kicking and splashing to even notice.
Then, since they were both clean, I had the bright idea that I would try to get some Christmas card pictures taken.
Unfortunately, it didn't last long as Lilly was too worn. Building a Snow Man is hard work.
Noah on the other hand, gave me many great pictures. :)
Friday, December 07, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
P.S. There are also many new links on Noahs Adventure. Go take a look.