It's late. I can't sleep. I'm tired and I know if I laid my head down on my newly clean pillow case and slipped under the clean sheets I would fall fast asleep in moments. And yet, here I sit in my office. Cold... Hungry... Off. I'm not sure what it is. Something is just off. I checked on my babies. Both sleeping soundly. My precious husband is fast asleep as well. The kitty is rather upset and keeps scratching at the door, but I don't think that is causing my unrest.
I don't know what is.
Maybe it's knowing that tomorrow is the last day of the year. A year full of such pain and sadness. It's been harder than I even have the strength to admit to myself. I don't talk about that much. Even now, I erase what I type as I try to explain everything I've been through. There are no words for such things.
As I try to deal with all the difficult things, I find myself trying so hard to only focus on the wonderful miracles that God has given Noah and my family. And the amazing strength he gave me to make it through the hard times. For a love that no words can describe.
Then, when it's late at night and my heart is unsettled.... I don't want to face the emotions that I have buried.
I guess it's just time to go to sleep. This year is almost over and the next is full of Joy and Happiness.